“There were two airfields where you could land
when they sent you to Vietnam.
We were supposed to fly into Da Nang, that’s up north,
but when we got there they were shellin’ the airfield.
Man, it looked like the Fourth of July down there.
We thought, “Oh shit, they’re gonna wait
for the firing to stop, to swoop down
and bring us into that!”
But after an hour the firing didn’t stop,
and they decided to fly us down south to Saigon.
We were all scared, and when we landed
we ran crouched down from the plane to the airport.
When they sent me to a unit out in the field
we got in some tough firefights,
and after one where we lost a lot of guys
I couldn’t stop shakin’.
A buddy saw it, asked me
if I wanted something to take care of that,
and took out some heroin.
Back home I had smoked some reefer
and snorted both cocaine and heroin a few times,
but I never fired drugs before.
He showed me how to shoot up
and I felt better, it calmed me down.
After a while we didn’t think much about home:
It was like we were on a different planet,
and if we talked about goin’ home,
we said, “When we go back to the world.”
At first I used drugs after combat,
but then I started bringing’ them into the field.
I carried a set of works in my boot
and it helped you function.
If a buddy got killed,
it bothered you and you felt bad,
but when they put him in a bag and flew him out,
you didn’t think about it.
There was a group of us usin’ drugs,
and with that fear gone
we didn’t mind volunteerin’ for wild things.
Our company commander was amazed;
he thought we were a bunch of crazy muthafuckers.
After they sent us home I felt strange,
like I didn’t fit in.
I was feelin’ patriotice because of what we’d been through,
but I could see people weren’t on that kind of time.
I didn’t talk about it
but it fucked with me,
and I still had my habit.
At first I could handle it with my pay,
but it got too much: I did some stickups,
got jammed, and came here.
I’ve been off drugs for a while now
and I’m learnin’ to handle things without them.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system in which people believe that war is an inevitable part of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where what happens in war creates friction as war within, to such a degree that those who are trained to protect a country end up in prisons as the criminal to the country.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that deliberately trains people to kill women and children when necessary in war.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where soldiers go through extensive mental and physical preparation before becoming a soldier because who we are as a human being, in how we experience ourselves, become extremely influenced and affected when we see and are directly confronted with a situation of war.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system whereby people define themselves as being a Vietnam vet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system in which soldiers have to ‘take care of their own’, in secret, as a way of protecting the honor of their fellow soldier.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that deliberately places people in situations where we have to defend and protect ourselves from each other such as in war which take us into mental realities that we are in no way prepared for.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don’t have the courage and will within me as me, to stand up and say: Till here no further – and instead I have accepted and allowed myself to conform, shape and condition myself according to what is necessary to survive within this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted, obsessed and possessed in order to meet the necessary requirements of surviving within our current world/money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated into believing that war is necessary based upon threats of implementing communism, attacks by a country on it’s people, and/or threats of weapons of mass destruction – all of which have been the cause and/or reason given as an excuse to war against each other in the name of greed/profit/money/control/power.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a system through believing that I require government to protect me – when in fact, evil is perpetrated as a way of life lived within our current world/government/money system.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a self defined pattern where I’ve judged war within my mind through polarity friction and conflict between what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where heroin becomes the hero in the avoidance of self, thus is a fatal recurrence within existence where we continue to create conditions for our own continuance of war to/towards one another in polarities of right vs wrong and good vs evil, for the sake of profiting resources/money over our neighbour – instead of standing equal and one in support of each other as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where we create wars to boost the economy in one country while creating the opposite polarity of lack in another country, all the while allowing major corporations to make a killing while we kill each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be victimized through my own acceptance of war.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that offers no assistance and support for how to deal with the stress and the shit that goes on in our heads as we try and make sense of the insanity that exists within our world.
I commit myself to show how through the material from Desteni Universe and Desteni I Process, one learns how to work with patterns and systems within and as self – where self will acquire the necessary tools to identify recurring problems that cause friction within one’s life in specificity and detail. Where when old patterns which do not serve us are gone, we can design ourselves anew and gain and understanding into how to consider our reality as a whole, and how to position ourselves for the ultimate outcome that is best for all.
I commit myself to show through writing and self-forgiveness how one is able to in self-honesty direct self through self-corrective application, thus develop trust in/as self to assist self with/as courage to support All life according to what’s best for all.
I commit myself to show how every war throughout history have been a violation against the meaning of life within a game of profit where murdering mass numbers of people is considered a legal way for the rich to remain wealthy.
I commit myself to show how there may not be a war right outside my front door, however, there is a war within ourselves. Where there is No mistaking it, Life itself has been under attack since the beginning of time through human nature as greed, and that the only Solution to stop us from wiping ourselves off the face of the planet, is to stand together as a group and support a system of Equality.
I commit myself to show how we must be prepared to face our responsibilities Not through acts of violence, but through an act of Real Love through self-responsibility, in coming together as Mankind within the Principle of Equality and standing up for and as All as One as Equal.